I try to think of myself as an open person. Although, I can be shy at first and then I open right up! At least I think so…
When I say secrets in the title, it means most people don’t know this about me; I try to share my feelings & opinions but lately, I’ve felt lost in the crowd. Weather it’s at work or sometimes even with my family(rarely ever), I get interrupted. For example, my mom and I may look very similar but she speaks her mind to people outside the family WAY faster than I ever can. I think I just want to connect with people first before I start talking my life story.. And most of them already know it! Lol I have gotten better though. I also learned to express those suppressed emotions into my dancing or singing. Haha but that’s another story!
I have seen the difference when I see people who used to be my friends. I don’t hesitate to answer anymore…. I don’t hesitate to reject either… Ooh, feel the burn high school alumni! Anyways, I have often wondered why I was that way. A quote-picture I saw on Facebook actually made sense and gave me my answer…(excuse the language)
This message hit home to me. It made me cry even! What’s worse, I have been that girl! I thought we all did it on first dates and such but I’m wrong. And once someone has said those cruel words, it never goes away. Ever.
I know I’m not as bad as I was in high school in terms of apologizing for every sentence. It almost became a habit. I never did bite my nails so this was the habit I had instead! It took me until Junior year to realize that my opinion did matter. My hobbies do matter. They mattered to me! Who cares about anyone else?! I have to say, most people would guess it was a serious high school boyfriend who “changed” things for me & allowed me to express better. I’d be lying if I said he was. He did influence a lot of what I did- especially senior year. However, he did not make me stronger. It was a friend I had who made me see that I deserved better; I deserved to be heard. I even deserved love. Everyone does! I should’ve known that this friend was more important than most. I never realized that until now. And I’ve known them most of my life! To them I say thank you. Thank you for opening my eyes, even if it didn’t seem to last long, you made more of an impact than you know.
“To anyone in the world that has ever felt like they are not enough: No matter what you look like & no matter where your from, you are completely deserved of love & of value.”- Rumer Willis
Wow. That was a flashback! Anyways… I did learn quickly that depending on the situation, if you spoke out more you got hurt more. I think I’m generally a nice person. And I’m sorry if someone thinks otherwise! Sometimes, I feel inside that I help out a lot, I do a lot for people. I do things for myself too but it just can sometimes feel like I have no “me time”. It may seem like I do but I have other stuff to get done! Don’t we all?! Anyways, with helping people you’d think they’d help you too. In my case, it seems very little do. Besides family, I can’t think of any friends in the past year who helped me with something besides just giving advice. Im pretty sure that’s not how helping people works.. Isnit?! Here is another quote I saw on Facebook that hit me hard as well..
“What’s hurts the most…. Was being so close.”
Excuse my Rascal Flats quote. It just seemed fitting. How many other people have felt this way? Doesn’t it make you tired?! I’m exhausted, overwhelmed & basically put out! How do people not see or understand that?! I’m not complaining for giving or helping anyone. I just wish I could get some back. Ya know? That shouldn’t be too much to ask. Ever.
I’m only human. I have feelings that I need to let out too. Some people may not like it. Well I’m done sitting back. I’m done being too quiet. I’ll get through it and I will make changes. It may take me some time but it is going to happen. I just feel it.
To end this on a more positive note.. Here is a Disney Pocket Princess to brighten it up. Enjoy & thanks for reading!
Small Town Dreamer 