Why

I’m so tired of the same feeling when I wake up.

Why can’t I stop dreaming about this? About you or things that have never happened?!

Am I cursed because I met you or because of some other mistake I made long ago? If I’m not cursed, am I blessed with visions of the future?

It certainly doesn’t feel like it.

When I wake up from a dream with you, or people who’ve passed in it, I feel happy when my eyes open. But once my mind brings me back to now, I’m sad or angry. I just want to close my eyes and disappear; disappear right back into that dream.

“It’s not finished”, I tell myself with my eyes barely open. “It can’t end there, I don’t want it to.”

No matter how hard I try, I can’t slip back into that state of mind.

No matter how hard I try, I can’t say that I’m done with you.

We hadn’t even started yet…

Now you know, this isn’t about who you all figured it was. It’s two people, and one is not that guy.

Sure, one is a guy. The other is family, and I can’t shake her either.

When she’s in my dreams, I awake with feelings of joy, only to have them crushed by tears of sadness in waves of pain.

When he’s in my dreams, I awake with butterflies that I never wanted to end. Those butterflies are replaced with a lump in my throat & frustration. A big piece of heartache that will never end. I didn’t even get to see how it felt. We didn’t even try.

Maybe this is telling me your not good for me. Maybe it’s all a lie. Or maybe it’s all in my head and that’s why I cry.

Either way, this is why my dreams keep me awake, everyday.

“Is this what it feels like to really cry??”- Kelly Clarkson

“Drown Out my dreams. Keep me from remembering whatever wants me to remember it.”- The Last Unicorn