I feel like I’m getting old.
I know, I’m only 25. That’s what everybody tells me, along with “your young, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you!” Right?! How many of you reading this feel the same way right now??
Ok good, I’m not alone. Haha!
Times have changed a lot over the generations. People used to be married at 18, had ALL your kids by 26, considered old by 45 & then dead at 67. So yeah, times are way different.
In the more recent years, some people had kids earlier in life. Not as early as 18, but definitely before 30. For example, my mom had me when she was 21. However, my Nana had her first child at 18. She had 3 more kids AND a miscarriage by 24/25. That’s a lot of living if you think about it!
So, if I’m honest with myself, I’m comparing me to my family. Other family members were in love at my age or close to getting married. Where am I?? I’m living with my aunts, working a full time job. I have 2 cats in a house of cats. Oh yeah, and of course I’m single! What else right?
So why am I here.
What am I doing with my life?
As most of my family says, “your saving money for a future. Your young, stop worrying!” Yep, I am saving money. I’m basically 3rd down on the totem pole of my job, which is great for me because it’s not just good money, but (yep, you guessed it) IM YOUNG.
No matter how many times I’m told, I don’t feel it. I basically don’t believe it. Age is just a number. My body is so tired every week–retail does that to ya–and I feel like that’s all I do. I just work. And thanks to that, I really have NO friends. I have like, 1 or 2, maybe 3. And one of those doesn’t live in my town anymore. But I can barely make time for the 2 that are here, so why am I complaining?
“Girl. All you ever do is work!” -Tiana’s Rude Friend, Princess & the Frog
And sleep. Eat, work, sleep & repeat. I guess if I had closer friends, that’s probably what they’d say. I just want adventure & that fun life everyone talks about. Maybe I’m too boring for that??
Or maybe I am too chicken for that life–which is highly possible. Either way, I want some change in my social life, and I want it now! Or soon, either one works. I know life isn’t a fairy tale, but is it a crime to want one??
This Youngblood of mine probably doesn’t feel that way because I’m an old soul. That’s what they say anyway. Maybe this me is comfortable with a relaxing life right now. Maybe my soul is tired & wants to see what happens. I do have dreams that feel real from different time periods. The only thing is, my name isn’t different; it’s always Kylie. Or people just saying “Hey you.” It is pretty cool really. They are more recent times or in the present but with different people in my life. My dreams always bring ex boyfriends or friends around to haunt me.
Some of my cousins & I were talking about superpowers recently. They can change energies; people’s energies or the energy around an object to make it change. For example, my cousin can make a necklace move one direction without her hand/arm moving it. Then, she can make it stop & hang dead still. If you believe in things like this, it is amazing. So I was telling them that I wish I had superpowers. My aunt gets cheesy on me and says “We all have powers if we believe in it.”
Yep, it’s like it came straight out of Disney himself.
So what is my power? Is it my dreams or is it that I can sense other people’s emotions & connect with them? OR is it that I can relate to anything like I’ve lived it because I can emote & connect to it/I have an old soul?
Who knows. Either way, if I had some answers in life, maybe I wouldn’t feel so old. Or I wouldn’t feel like a loser, screw up, or loner. It’s very hard to tell yourself every day that your doing the right thing for you. Some weeks, I can barely do it. Those are the weeks where I break down, I cry a lot & I watch sad movies on purpose. Girls, we all do this, right??
I guess, I want to do a little more in life soon. Not too much. Don’t get me wrong, I love my snuggles with my cats & getting some sleep. But I need to try to get out more. It can’t hurt. I know I’ve rambled on in this blog, but it’s late & I don’t know a better way to say it right now.
So to anyone out there who feels just as alone & confused as I do, it’s ok! Your not alone. We are all winging it. This group of “Millennials” is instead a group of Youngbloods–who don’t know what they want all they time, who want the happy family to already be happening, & to be relaxed like all our parents & families. We just want to be like you guys, so let us! Or help us see how to get there, cause we need it sometimes.
Help us find our superpowers please!!
Thanks for reading!! I really needed to vent & get back into blogging. All the support, reads & comments mean a lot. Have a good day!